Trisha Hatfield Graves lived most of her life harboring a closely guarded secret.  By all appearances she was born one of five children in an idyllic fifties family; her father a respected high school teacher, her mother a nurse working for the family doctor who delivered her.   Trisha’s guarded secret? …an older sibling had been abusing her at night since she was three years old. 

She took her first pain killer at nine years of age finding the pills seemed to help her handle her fears of the dark.  Over the next forty years she would continue to use drugs and alcohol to cope with her fear of the night and “the secret” she was not ready to fully acknowledge.

Trisha interfaced her academics, career, travel, and relationships with an underlying constant of addiction.  On the outside she appeared creative and successful.  Underlying, however, she lived in a constant state of anxiety over being “found out”.  She drank alcohol or used prescription medications on a daily basis.  Quiet desperation compelled Trisha to admit herself into a psychiatric ward and over fifteen detox/treatment programs in just under twenty five years – each time keeping her struggles private and each time relapsing within a few months. 

As the years went by she became increasingly irrational in her struggles with addiction – yet still able to hide it from family, friends, and clients in her successful business.  She began doctor hopping and attempting to forge or alter prescriptions.  In 2000 Trisha was arrested for rx forgery.  She hired an attorney to keep her out of jail and out of this new program called “drug court”.   Reluctantly, she entered as a participant in Thurston County Drug Court in January 2000.

I am Trisha and this is my story.  I lived most of my life in the 3rd person as it simply felt too painful to be fully present with who I was and what I was feeling.  I would undoubtedly have ended up in prison - or dead at some point.  The opportunity provided to me through drug court was invaluable. 

• Drug Court gave me the time I had never given myself to fully detox.

• Through the implementation of Moral Reconation Therapy (MRT), an effective cognitive behavioral treatment system developed for use with incarcerated individuals in the prison systems, I was able to become very “present”.  In essence, I evolved from 3^rd person to 1^st in my ability to identify with my actions and behaviors.

• Sanctions imposed for violating guidelines necessary for successful completion of drug court included jail time.  My addictive behaviors had been secret all of my life.  Now I was required to be accountable and to experience the repercussions of my choices – i.e., a 7-day jail sanction for relapsing during my 9^th month in the program.

• I received services addressing mental health issues, in my case, childhood abuse and post traumatic stress.  Thurston County Drug Court has represented a leading edge philosophy in recognizing the relationship between addiction and mental health and has incorporated progressive approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), acupuncture and auriculotherapy as well as traditional talk therapies into the participant offerings.

Thurston County Drug Court provided me with a therapeutic experience that became the foundation of my eventual success in recovery.  Without this option I would have been charged and received a felony conviction, served probable jail time, and eventually released without ever addressing the addiction/mental health issues.  Leaving these crucial areas unattended simply leaves the door open to relapse and the “need” to continue acting out inner turmoil.

The alternative provided as a participant of drug court also kept my record clear of the standard felony which would have impacted the viability of my life ranging from travel, and good credit, to future career opportunities.

Today, I continue to run the most successful Pilates studio between Seattle and Portland – The Pilates Center of Olympia (www.pilatesatplay.com).  As a result of my experience in Thurston County Drug Court I now have dedicated a huge portion of my life’s energies to being a voice of and for fellow addicts and with my husband Paul, have co-founded The Tianshi Foundation  (www.tianshifoundation.org) devoted to creating and supporting life-affirming events, products and services.  In February 2007 the Tianshi Foundation presents “Quantum Healing – Sharing the Secret”, which will feature an exciting line-up of speakers with a topic focus around holistic alternatives to addiction treatment.  I would not be in the place I am in life were it not for my experience as a participant of drug court.  What a tremendous gift to the community.

“The Addict” is often stereotyped as the down and out street person who has lived off the system, failed to hold down a job, lost their children, and lives under the local overpass.  I would wager to say “The Addict” has become us all.  Addicts in the white collar, corporate world in many ways are far worse off than the street addict.  Fear of being socially ostracized and exposed as a failure compels the professional to hide their turmoil and misery thus perpetuating the secret derelict behaviors.  The street addict wears their secret openly.

Addressing the connection between addiction and crime through the preservation of drug court programs such as the Thurston County Drug Court, benefits not only the addict – street or corporate – it benefits the community as a whole.  I welcome you to contact me should you have concerns about a loved one or questions yourself.  trisha@pilatesatplay.com